The R Word
“I’m going to look like such a retard”.
I kept quiet.
I was in the office of a social worker recently helping them get setup on Skype and a USB headset. When they put the headset on they said, “I’m going to look like such a retard”.
I was shocked to hear this coming from a licensed social worker and felt my emotions starting to boil. I wanted to call them on it. I wanted to tell them;
But …. I kept quiet.
Here we had an experienced social worker, working for an agency that supports families, children and persons with disabilities. Someone who I would expect would have some sensitivty to a word that is commonly used as an insult. “Retard” or “retarded” is commonly used as an insult in everyday life and in the media, especially among teens and young adults…. and it’s not OK. It hurts and it’s mean.
But … I kept quiet.
My silence helps sustain and perpetuate the negative stereotypes. I make a promise not to let that happen again. No more turning the other cheek. I will take advantage of these situations to voice my opinion and hopefully teach someone that it’s NOT OK.
I WILL NOT BE QUIET ANY LONGER!
I understand this feeling and have had similar experiences daily as a father of a girl with Downs. I have come to the conclusion that maybe they (the insensitive) just dont get it. They dont have the perspective. If it werent so automatic to say it they wouldnt. I do have to admit that I myself have cought the word coming out of my mouth from time to time (maybe residue from my youth, or from when I didnt have the perspective) and for that reason alone I try to calm down. I have made it a point to call out anyone that uses the R word whenever possible and in most cases it has helped. I just thought you might want to know that you arent the only one struggling with this and that I have found myself carrying a little guilt arround from a time when I kept quiet too!
March 24th, 2008 at 1:52 pmI can understand why we feel insulted. My 9 yr old daughter came home one day very upset because a classmate used the “R” word in school. She spoke up and said not to use that word because her brother was DS and didn’t get anywhere. I called the teacher the next day to remind her of our DS son (she had my 16 yr old son a few years back) and to ask her to be aware of this in her classroom. I was proud of her for speaking up and had her talk to her older brother as to how he handles these situations. He is a little quieter than our daughter. His advise was to not tell her classmates about her brother. Other kids don’t understand and speak out of ignorance. I was a little surprised by his advice but I do have to let him deal with it in his own way. It’s also tough on normal children when this happens to a family.
April 12th, 2008 at 7:45 pmbontom - Good for you for speaking out. In the developmental disabilities community, the “R” word cuts as deep as the “N” word.
April 12th, 2008 at 8:15 pmI have an 8-year-old son with Down Syndrome. It shakes my faith in humanity to see people being so insensitive. I have accepted the “R” word and just a sign of ignorance, and it reflects poorly on them. I must admit, I have used it, but usually as a verb (e.g. “growth of technology has been retarded by our lack of educational resources in science and mathematics…”) As a noun, it can be offensive.
What I find *most* offensive is comedians who feel it is acceptable, even funny, to mock and ridicule mentally challenged. Larry the Cable Guy does a stand-up routine that is outrageously offensive. It is the lowest form of comedy…
June 21st, 2008 at 11:08 am