Consider The Option of Adoption - A Brief Overview of our Experience
Monday, March 13th, 2006My wife and I were unable to have our own children and sought out adoption as an alternative to start our family. Having heard and read stories from others and in the media we were not optimistic that something would happen for us given the time and costs involved.
We learned of an adoption agency in Philadelphia called, Option of Adoption that later became Blue Rose Adoption Services. They specialized in adoption of special needs chidlren and children of different ethnicities. In a little over 45 days we went through the application process, training seminars, and home studies when the phone rang and said we have a 3 month old baby boy with Down Syndrome available for adoption, are you interested? WOW! What a moment! Of course we were and so we set out on a crash course in the adoption system and in parenting. That was the first week of March 1992. By April 17, 1992 he was in our arms in our home. Obviously I am skimming over some of the details that may be important to someone reading this who is considering adoption or even placing their child up for adoption…. but I’m trying to avoid writing a novel. If anyone has specific questions about our experiences please feel free to post a comment or email us.
The adoption agency here in Philadelphia was wonderful to work with and always supportive of us. We continued to socialize with the employees and other adoptive familes for many years until the agencies dissolved and people naturally drifted apart. They will always hold a fond place in our hearts.
My over all impression about adoption… If money is a constant issue then that should raise red flags. People deserve to make money and pay their expenses for their hard work and expertise but not at the levels approaching extortion. Follow your gut instincts. It’s hard work. As hard as it may be, be prepared to walk away. Prepare yourself to go on some emotional as well as physical journeys. The trip is worth it though.
The adoption agency in our sons birth state of Massachusets is a whole other story though…. WHAT BASTARDS they were! Unfortunately I hear this can be typical. We arrived in Massachusetts the day before and called them checking to make sure all the “t’s” were crossed and the “i’s” were dotted and yes they said everything was fine and we’ll see you tomorrow. We arrived promptly for an 11am appointment, signed all the paperwork and shortly thereafter were united with our son when the foster mother who had been caring for him arrived. We don’t remember the fosters mother name but we are so thankful for her savy. She walked past the adoption agency staff and placed our son in our arms, exchanged some small talk and split. We later realized that she knew how this agency worked and that it was best for her to be gone. She was definitely one of the many angels we came across in our adoption journey.
For our support my mother, sister, nephew and grandfather were there from New Hampshire. The next thing we know the executive director enters the room asking us about their $4000 payment. Huh??!@! Our adoption agency in Philadelphia specifically told us NOT to pay any other fees. We left to go to her office while my mom cared for our “newborn”. We got on a conference call with our agency in Philadelphia and the two executive directors proceeded to fight it out. When I got on the phone I was told I needed to be prepared to leave without our child. Yeah right, too late for that, I knew in the deepest part of my soul that was not going to happen. I told the executive director what I thought of her tactics and left the room with my wife still there. I got our son bundled up in a car seat, told the receptionsist if anyone needed me I would be out in the parking lot in my car. I left my family and wife to straighten out any details and marched out, with my new son in my arms. I loaded him into the car and got ready to go. I don’t believe that an agency that specializes in placing “normal white children with rich white families” really wanted to be left with a 3 month old infant with Down Syndrome in Foster care. My gamble was right. It was only later that I found out that my tenacious wife had gotten on the phone with state agencies in our home state of Pennsylvania and was raising hell in the executice directors office.
Shortly thereafter, with signed documents in hand,we said our goodbyes to our family and we were heading down the turnpike NOT having paid the $4000 ransom and headed into a 13 hour freezing rain and sleet trip to Philadelphia. None of that mattered though because we had our beautiful child with us and in a weird way we sensed our tiny car was being guided home. We often refer to this whole experience in Massachusets and the drive home as our labor pains.
(Maybe sometime I can write about my wife and I doing our first diaper in a McDonalds booth right off the turnpike. We were clueless, but managed 
)
By definition this was an open adoption. We had written early on to the birth family and sent pictures. The birth-father has contacted my wife several times over the past 14 years by phone but I have had no contact with them. Neither of us have had contact with the birth mother. If I did meet them I would hug them and sincerely thank them for giving us the ultimate gift of their child to us that has enlightened our lives.
Adopting Matthew is a daily reminder to me that there really are miracles in life. I have never felt so full or so loved or loved anyone else this way. I have nothing to compare it against. I know I am loved and respected by my wife, family and friends but to steal a phrase from Jerry McGuire, “Matthew completes me”.
Despite a bad experience in Massachusets adoption was the most wonderful thing that has happened to my family. I would hope that other people reading this can open their hearts to adopt a child or if your are considering that you can’t parent a child with a disability that you consider the option of adoption. You will be loved and blessed.